The Breakup – Part II

by Cosmic Panda

When Paul left for Singapore in February, I got sent to Cebu to work for two weeks at our site there. It was so timely because I needed to be away from everybody in order for me to not to feel sad and think that I will not see him for a long time. It made the separation a little lighter.

Okay naman kami. We talked when we got the chance. We updated each other about our trips; thank god for technology to help long distance relationships.

I planned on visiting him the week after I got back to Manila. The flights were already booked and the accomodations were already confirmed. When I went there, the hostel was bad. It smelled funny and the people there were a little shady (I got a little feeling that the [hot] swedish guy sleeping on the bed beside mine was eyeing me. Oh and he slept in the nude. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TEMPTATION?)

It was so great seeing Paul so happy and on his way to achieving his dreams.


He was so happy going to school in Singapore and he has always wanted to do that. Its a little concerning lang that he’s already 24 and he’s still living off of his parents to study a diploma course in Interactive Design, in one of the most expensive countries in the world. I would understand why my parents would pressure me to find a job there because it is fucking expensive when they already paid for my college for more than four years, and here I am asking for more.

But again, who was I to stop him from achieving his dreams?

This is the diary entry I made on that day:

That night, before I went to sleep, I opened the Safari browser of my phone to google a map of the MRT stations in SG. Normally I would use the Dolphin Browser or Google Chrome because I find them easier to navigate, but they kept crashing. The first page that loaded was facebook, and I though it was mine so I checked the notifications but it turned it was Paul’s. He used the iPhone when his S3 was broken so Im guessing he forgot to log out when he gave it to me.

Realizing this opportunity of access that I have gave me the idea to sneak a little bit and check who he has been talking to on facebook (Its wrong I know, dont judge me!). Message from friends, friends, friends, friends, then BOOM.

There it was.

There was this Singaporean guy that he gave his Whatsapp number to which made me think of so many negative things that consumed me in my sleep, or the lack thereof. I was so cranky the next morning and I had so many questions to Paul.

We went to Universal Studios that day and we had an argument, which to me was really nothing, but to him was such a big deal – and I haven’t even asked him who that guy was. Yet. I was a little cranky din kasi that day because that facebook message really got to me, and I couldnt get it out of my head.

After Universal Studios, we stayed at Vivo City and that’s where I asked him who his newfound friends in Singapore are and who he has been meeting. I immediately sensed that he was hiding something from me. So I pushed and pushed until his big lying bottom cracked open.

It was a guy that was talking to him who used to go to Benilde din. They met for dinner once. Now if it was just a friendly dinner, why would you hide that from your boyfriend? If you are not trying to hide anything, why lie?

The guy apparently was courting him and he went out with him. Sabi daw nung guy sa kanya “You’re single in Singapore.” He said no daw, friendship lang daw talaga ang maiooffer niya kasi he’s in a committed relationship, and that made me happy. Like “AWWW I love you” happy.

Then I asked him what did the guy look like and he said sobrang payat daw. I asked him “Well what if it was a hot guy who you went out with, would you have said yes to him?” He said “I don’t know.”

That made me sad. FUCKING SAD.

But you know what I thought after? I was in a long distance relationship with the love of my life and I really wanted him to live his life in Singapore and make the most of it. I was ready for the worst.
I loved him. Nobody’s perfect.

This is the diary entry I made on that day:

Anyways, like any normal relationship, arguments are bound to happen, especially the longer you are together. We had arguments here and there, which to me is nothing because I get into arguments with everybody. Doesn’t mean I hate everybody, I just disagree with people and I find it healthy to voice out what my opinion is. Apparently, Paul was very upset with our arguments. In his mind, he was tired with all of it. Minsan na nga lang daw kami magkita, mag-aaway pa kami.

Tama naman siya, pero sakin kasi, hindi away yun. Ang away eh yung nagmumurahan kayo at nagkakasakitan na. I would never hurt Paul. Ever. I’d rather hurt myself.

Im sharing this because this is one of the reasons he brought up when we broke up. “Minsan na nga lang tayo magkita, nag-aaway pa tayo”

(to be continued…)