The Breakup – Part III

by Cosmic Panda

My week-long stay in Singapore, the second time I visited Paul, was the most awkward, most emotional draining vacation I’ve ever had. He was so weird the entire trip, we barely talked and I could sense his energy just pushing me away telling me that I should have not gone there because it was just a waste of time.

I stayed at Shophouse The Social Hostel in Bugis, around the Kampong Glam area. I chose this hostel specifically for their roofdeck, and unlimited all-day breakfast.

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I was so excited the first day because I imagined how great my stay was gonna be, and how much better it was [in my head] from the last time I was there. I made a few acquaintances, and I got to watch numerous movies from the hostel’s vast collection of films.

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To be honest with you, I was just happy to see Paul again. And I was proud of myself because kaya ko palang makapunta ng Singapore kapag ginusto ko. Nagagawan talaga ng paraan. I am not rich and I do not have family money. I just have a job that helps me pay the bills, put food on the table, and buy me shoes and clothes and My Shirota when I go party at Today X Future.

I do not own a credit card, and the money I used to book my flights, my hostel, and my pocket money during that trip was solely from my Savings account.

I am sharing that to you because I want you to know that I was ready to give up and make a lot of sacrifices just so I could see and spend time with the love of my life. Maybe that’s one of the reasons he also considered kasi ayaw niyang maghirap ako para lang magkasama kami.

Wala lang naman yun sakin.

To me, all the money in the world is nothing compared to one day with him. I don’t know why I so stupidly loved him.

My happiness to see and spend time with him have gotten less and less as the days went by. It became more awkward. We never kissed. We never held hands. We never hugged.

It was the most painful thing, and I’ve never felt more alone in my life. Add the fact that I was in a foreign country where I did not know anyone. Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone who already was trying to forget you, while you’re still together.

Nung tinuli ako, wala akong naramdaman, tawa pa ako ng tawa. Eto, halos mamatay nako sa sakit.

Never kaming nag-away this time. No arguments whatsoever. I was so afraid to say anything because remember, sabi nya, minsan na nga lang daw kami magkita, mag-aaway pa kami? SO, quiet lang ako. Hinayaan ko lang siya, kahit ramdam kong unti unti na nyang nilalayo yung sarili nya.

“Huy, nandito ako ngayon. Wala ako sa Pilipinas. Hindi ako lumipad ng xxxxx miles para lang lumayo ka sakin ng ganyan. Na miss kita, payakap naman. Pahingi naman ng halik. Pahingi ng konting lambing. Pahingi ng konting sandali.” sabi ng puso ko.

ANG DRAMAAAAA, pero totoo.

(to be continued…)

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