The Breakup – The “Talk”
by Cosmic Panda
When we got to the gazebo, we watched the rain fall on the pavement for a few minutes. My heart was beating fast. Maybe from the running. Maybe because the thing I have always been afraid of happening is about to happen. I wasn’t ready.
I think I’ve already mentioned a few times how lonely I felt in that country. I could see him sharing wine with that Nigel guy, and they were laughing at my misery. I felt so embarrassed. I felt really unattractive. I just wanted to go home.
He was still fucking quiet. Putang inang to, sabi ko sa sarili ko.
“So let talk.”, I said.
He was just looking at me. I was so annoyed with his stupid face and that look he was giving me. What a sissy.
“I don’t know where to start, Paul.”
“I know that you’re planning to break up with me. I sensed it the minute I saw you at the airport when I landed.”
“Yeah, I’m so sorry.”, he replied. He was looking down, not showing any emotions.
“Its okay. I mean..” Then I started crying. Why the fuck did I say its okay.
“I mean malayo din naman tayo sa isa’t isa.. Oh shit ughh I dont know why I’m crying.”
He gave me tissue. THANKS I said to myself. But tissue can’t fix anything now.
“I feel so alone.” I cried out.
“No we are not alone.”
“I think we should’ve done this a long time ago.”, he added. “Everything has just been frustrating for me. And our relationship hasn’t been helping. I’m so frustrated with my life and I need to find a job. Nakakainis kasi si Papa pinepressure ako to find a job after he promised to support me here.”
Then he started crying.
Forgive me for being such bitch, but all I could think of was ‘Arent you 24? Didn’t you finish college last year? What are you studying again and what is it for? You’re so spoiled, the minute your father talks to you about being an adult and getting a job, you cry.’
Sorry I just wasn’t sympathetic to what he was going through. I did feel bad for him though, poor kid needed to grow up.
He did go on and he started consoling me, saying sorry for how he acted from the first day and how scared he was to breakup with me.
“Okay I understand. Well, I guess I have no choice since you’ve obviously already decided.”
“Yeah Im really sorry.”
“Uhm, well I still have three more days with you. Can we please make the most of it? Can we pretend like we’re not going to break up and just be like how we were before all of this?”
“I know we’re gonna break up, but I love you. And you will always be the one.”
“You too.”, he said. Then he held my hand.
I felt a little better about the breakup. In my mind, we were gonna break up because its just the wrong timing, and we needed to be apart for a little while. We broke up not because we no longer loved each other, or because of what people call a “third party”.
OR SO I THOUGHT.
(to be continued…)