The Last Three Days – The Last Day
by Cosmic Panda
*Sunday, April 28, 2013
I checked out of the hostel at noon. My flight back to Manila was at midnight. The hostel receptionist told me that I could leave my things at the lounge and stay there until I have to leave. And I did. I ate a lot, talked to people who was also hanging out at the lounge, and downloaded Rupauls Drag race Season 5 episodes to watch at the plane.
I got a message from Paul asking me to meet him at Keypoint by 5PM.
At keypoint, we had a late lunch / early dinner. I had my last fix of Hainanese chicken rice in Singapore.
After eating, we walked around the Kampong Glam area. We weren’t talking again. He was quiet. I was quiet. I guess we both didn’t know what to say to each other.
Well, I did want to hug him.
I really did. I wanted to beg him to not push me away of his life. I wanted to hold his hand. It still wasn’t clear to me why we were breaking up.
We stopped walking when we got to Masjid Sultan.
It was a breezy afternoon. There were lots of tourists. And birds. And we could hear music coming from the mosque.
We sat down at one of the benches, as I lit a cigarette. I looked at him.
“Ingat ka ah?” I told him.
“Don’t skip your meals. And get a lot of sleep, okay?”
“I will..” He said, matter-of-factly. “You should take care of yourself too.”
Then it got quiet again. I watched a group of Koreans buying Persian rugs, taking pictures, and having a good time. The cigarette in my hand was almost gone.
“OMG ang taba nung pigeon o. Look, look!” he told me.
And I saw the fat pigeon. It was almost as if it had no neck. It was walking like a penguin, even. I smiled. That fat pigeon was fat.
“I’m gonna miss you a lot.” I said, still looking at the fat pigeon. “It won’t be the same without you.”
“I”ll miss you too.”
Inang to puro na lang you too or me too. Hoy tandaan mo ikaw ang nakipagbreak ah. Pero wala akong magawa, mahal ko eh.
“I really don’t want us to break up.”
Akala ko mag “me too” din siya. I thought wrong.
“I’m sorry, but it has to be done. Dapat ginawa na nga natin to before I left.”
OUCH. Sige idiin mo pa, babe. Hindi naman masakit, HINDE!
“What made you decide?” I finally had the courage to ask.
“Ang hirap ng long distance relationship. Tapos minsan na nga lang tayo nagkita nag-aaway pa tayo…”
“…it was so hard when I first got here. I felt alone, and I missed you, and I needed you but you weren’t here. It was so hard…”
And he turned red. And started crying.
GUSTO KO SIYANG YAKAPIN PERO NAINIS AKO. TANGINA KAYA NGA KITA PINUNTAHAN DITO EH!!!
“… Im just so tried of feeling sad and Im tired of us fighting. I know normal lang mag-away, pero nung long distance na, Nag-away pa din tayo, at mas mahirap na siya…”
“But Paul thats why I’m here. Tsaka pansin mo ba, hindi tayo nag-away this time. Wala tayong pinag-awayan. I wanted to change your mind, I made sure I didnt cause any arguments. I made sure not to come off needy.”
“I can’t Kristian. I want to start a new life na. And I don’t want to miss out on my opportunities here in Singapore.”
“What do you mean? What opportunities?”
“Opportunities…” sabi niya
“Wait, how is our relationship going to stop from your work opportunities? DO YOU MEAN OPPORTUNITIES OF MEETING GUYS??”
He didn’t say anything. He just looked at me.
“WHAT THE FUCK PAUL, IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?”
“Alam mo, this is why we should break up, its so hard to talk to you!”
“Tell, me, please tell me, what do you mean miss out on opportunities? How am I stopping you from all these ‘OPPORTUNITIES'”
He then stood up, “you are so frustrating.” He said to me. “Alam mo aalis na ako.”
“Thats so typical of you, the moment you get frustrated you walk away. You just run away from your problems like how you ran away here to Singapore.” I said, water running down my cheeks.
The tension was really high. He was about to leave, when a monk suddenly walked towards us, holding a wooden box.
He was smiling. I felt the tension fade instantly. The monk’s positive energy was so infectious.
I grabbed coins from my pocket and dropped them in the box he was holding. He nodded thank you and left.
He didnt go to other people in the area. He just left. But the anger in my heart was gone, and Paul sat back down.
Until now, I am still wondering how that happened. I promise over my dead boy I did not make that up.
“I love you, Paul…”
“I love you too…”
“You’re handling this breakup well” He said. “Kung siguro noon tayo nag-break, iyak ka ng iyak.”
KUNG ALAM MO LANG, ANG PAGTITIMPING GINAGAWA KO. KUNG ALAM MO LANG TALAGA.
“I told Vinch, and Vince, and Lee about us breaking up na.”
Ayaw niyang tumigil, guys. Parang gustong gusto nyang sinasaktan ako. Inannounce na sa mga tao na break na kami. Ako na nga nag-initiate ng conversation kahit siya ang gustong makipagbreak, siya pa tong excited magsabi sa mga tao.
“I told Vinch to see you when you get back, baka kailangan mo ng support”
AWW maraming salamat. At least you cared?
It was really the end of us.
“Are we still gonna continue talking, even as friends? I need you in my life” I said
“Of course.” sabi nya sakin, smiling. “so is there any place you still want to go to? Mamayang 12 pa flight mo right?”
“Well, honestly, wala na. I think I’ll just stay at the hostel and finish downloading my Rupauls.”
I did not want him to take me to the airport. Pero pinilit niya na ihatid daw niya ako.
We agreed to meet around 10PM at the Bugis MRT Station. I went back to the hostel, and he went to play Tekken at Bugis Junction.
Pero ayoko na talaga syang makita.
(to be continued…)