The Breakup Aftermath – Part I

by Cosmic Panda

First, I would like to say thank you for reading up to this point. I do not really intend to get a lot of readers, or get a lot of views. I just want to share my story and doing this is really helping me move on.

I also want to say that I do not intend to tarnish the reputation of my ex-boyfriend. This my side of the story – I don’t know his story (and probably never will). I’m sure he had his reasons for everything that happened.

Thank you for the empathy a lot of you have expressed to me privately. Im so sorry you got depressed. I did try to make it a bit lighter by sharing how we met, right? Or did that make it worse? Sorry na!

If I had a happier story, I would have loved to have shared it with you.

When I got home from NAIA, I have to admit, I was numb. It had been a depressing week. The first I did was pig out on Jollibee food.

I had Chicken Joy, Jolly Spaghetti, Jolly Fries, Burger Yum, and Pineapple Juice. I sorta ate my sadness away siguro. Jollibee is my comfort food.

I missed home. I missed Manila. I missed work. I missed the smell of my ratty apartment, and the noise of my old neighbor shouting and cursing at her indays.

[In a rusty, old-womanish, loud voice]: “Tawagin mo na si Jilliana, kakain kamo! Bilisan mo!”

If you follow me on instagram, you would kind of understand that I get my parody video ideas from her.

I was gone for only a week, but it felt like I was gone forever. I wasn’t necessarily happy to be home, but its good to be home.

So I was kinda indifferent. I was tired so I went to sleep. It was already 7AM. I landed Manila around 4AM.

When I woke up at about 2 or 3PM, I saw that he sent me a message on viber.

“Hey are you home safely?” Or something similar. [I have deleted all his messages na kasi ngayon eh].

Normally, I would reply:
“Hey babyyyyy! Sorry late reply, I just woke up. Yes Im home naaa. I miss you! Did you eat yet? Wubb you :3”

But given the change of circumstances, I just replied: “Hey sorry just woke up. Yes back home safely, thank you for asking.”

He then said: “Ok good.”

I still had a straight face on. I dont know why I was so indifferent. I took a bath, I changed my clothes, I brushed my teeth, and left home.

When I got to work that afternoon, I had tons of emails to go through so I did and read each one.

My activities were mundane, and I liked how mindless they required.

My colleague, Miyuki, was the first person to ask me how my trip went. She had always been a good friend of mine, and she was my mentor. She’s a mother of three beautiful kids, and God knows what hell she’s been through too.

“Oh asan ang pasalubong ko!” sabi nya, jokingly.

“Ha? Ahh sorry Miyuks, di ako nakabili!”

“Kamusta siya!” she asked, innocently.

I just looked at her and then she hugged me. I don’t know how I started crying. Basta hagulgol lang ako bigla. I didn’t have anyone to cry to at home. Kaya siguro ako napabigay kasi Miyuki is someone I really lean on.

After crying and making eksena at work for minutes, came the questions. People love drama. Aminin mo, or else you wouldn’t be reading this!

But people also care. I started telling the story, but I wasn’t strong enough to relive the pain. I told everybody that it was a mutual breakup, that it was romantic, that we broke up infront of Petronas Towers, and that we decided to give the relationship a rest muna but we still loved each other and that we were gonna wait until he comes back home.

I tweeted the same thing. Even my letter for him nakalagay dun diba “I’m glad our breakup isn’t one of those where two people loathe each other.”

It was easier that way. Atleast hindi masyadong masakit. Atleast parang may pag-asa pang maging kami ulit. Atleast mahal pa rin niya ako.

Kapag hinarap ko kasi nung time na yun ang katotohanan na gusto niya akong alisin sa buhay niya, baka wala kang nababasa ngayon.

(To be continued…)

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